*Sunday Service*
*24th February 2019*

*Marriage and Family Series (Week 4)*

*Topic:* Christian parenting without contravening the law.

*Speaker:* Pastor Yemi Olujobi

The fact that we are Christians does not mean we should not obey the law of the land we reside in.

When the Bible talks about the law, it means at least the following:

1. The word of God
2. The old testament
3. The old covenant
4. Torah

*Torah*
Parent instructions to their children (parenting).
The law of the land.

The system is there to ensure that parents are able to meet the entire needs of the child.

Children have basic needs of life. Every human being is entitled to welfare or physiological needs.

Children must have freedom from violence, abuse and neglect.

According to *Children’s Act 1989 & 2004,* parental responsibility is defined as rights, duties, powers, control & responsibilities of parents towards their children.

If you don’t meet your child’s safety needs the government will.

*Significant harm on children include:*
1. Neglect.
2. Sexual abuse.
3. Financial abuse.
4. Emotional abuse.
5. Physical abuse.
6. Spiritual abuse.

*Physical abuse on children includes:*
1. Use of closed fist.
2. Use of implements.
3. Leaving a mark.

*Common contraventions among BMEs*
1. Physical abuse.
2. Withholding food.
3. Lack of stimulation.
4. Home alone.
5. Domestic abuse.
6. Neglect.
7. Exposure to sexual harm.
8. Spiritual abuse.
9. Being mean to children.
10. Comparison.
11. Favouritism.

*How to deal with CSC issues:*
1. Pray about it committing the situation to God.
2. Seek advise from people who have professional knowledge.
3. Family solicitor not criminal.
4. Be honest & admit your wrong.
5. Work with the LA.
6. Get practical support from your network.
7. Seek emotional support.

*DISCIPLINE VS PUNISHMEMT*

The main goal of parenting is to increase self-regulation. Mainly, we want to raise our children to act well in any situation regardless of the fear of consequence. *Disciplined children*

Not children who are extremely compliant, who grow up developing “people disease” i.e. people pleasers who allow others to walk all over them. Can’t say no when it’s needed. Gullible and easy targets. Vulnerable and do not have a mind of their own. *Punished children*

*Aims of Discipline*
1. Child discipline is the methods used to prevent future behavioral problems in children.
2. The word discipline is defined as imparting knowledge and skill, in other words, to teach.
3. Child discipline can involve rewards and sanctions to teach self-control, increase desirable behaviors and decrease behaviors.

*Important Aspects of Discipline*
1. Self control is the the ability to control oneself, in particular one’s emotions and desires, especially in difficult situations. Aka self mastery, self discipline, self possession, composure, coolness.
2. Every parent must aim at producing a balanced human being who is capable of emotional regulation.

*Emotional Regulation*
1. Ability to respond to circumstances in a socially acceptable way.
2. Controlling your responses to different feelings.
3. Being balanced and not extreme.
4. When you’re angry, you don’t lash out, kick off, destroy things or others through your words or behaviour.
5. When you’re happy you don’t become annoying and patronising or upset others or unmindful to other people’s feelings around you. Empathy.

*What Discipline Is Not*
1.Not violence.
2. Not unpredictability. the child knows the sanction that goes with every negative behaviour because there’s been a dialogue around it prior to the event.
3. It’s not meanness or harshness.
4. It is not using sanctions that is disproportionate to the age of the child and the behaviour-this is abuse. Use of extreme punishments like no food, sanctions that are timeless
5. It’s not purely aimed at inflicting pain but teaching something positive. You’re not enemies

*Effects of Punishment on Child’s Brain*
1. Punishment is fear-based coercive discipline.And frequent fear is not good to brains because it produces harmful chemicals-stress hormones
2. When fear is presented frequently, the chronic elevated level of stress hormone will cause serious health problems for the child in the long run — brain shrinkage leading to memory and learning difficulties, suppressed immune system, hypertension, depression and anxiety disorder just to name a few.

*Some Salient Points About Discipline*
1. Discipline is positive parenting.
2. It involves dialogue.
3. It involves teaching.
4. It involves understanding your child.
5. Understand why he exhibited the behaviour.
6. Give them the message that you believe in them.
7. Help them change the behaviour from their hearts.

*SHALLOM!!!*